lucidlucy:

kiwibumblebee:

andhumanslovedstories:

throughshadow-to-the-edgeofnight:

andhumanslovedstories:

andhumanslovedstories:

andhumanslovedstories:

If your fic is 1000 words long, you can’t tag it slow burn. It’s not slow burn. That is a matchstick. And this is my personal bias here but if those motherfuckers you’re writing experience significant forward momentum in their relationship in under 5k words, then that is just a regular old burn. Slow burn should be borderline intolerable and a mistake to start reading at 2 in the morning.

If the fic doesn’t have multiple scenes where two people almost kiss but then don’t because of a contrived interruption that they are both grateful for and angry about, until the desperate reader is forced every other paragraph to mutter, “this is fucking ridiculous, this is bullshit, I’m so fucking mad, please update sooooooooooon,” then it isn’t a slow burn. It is a romance and that is a lovely thing but. Slow burns should feel like being set on fire unto your death but the tinder is people not kissing and the spark is people who don’t admit they love each other and the whole thing is. You know. Slow.

CORRECT

I once read a slow burn where the main pairing didn’t even speak to each other ontil 80k words in

This is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever read and the only true slow burn fic

@lucidlucy jeez I’m glad that the 80k reference wasn’t you 🤯

Don’t tempt me.

Let’s talk about a thirteen book series where the main character has an ‘interesting’ connection (and deliberate romantic undertones) to another character, but that one shows up for like maybe 30 pages out of a 300 page book, but they just dance around it because they’re always too busy and the main character has ROMANCE ISSUES so they never fucking talk about anything and then tell me that anything under 5k is a slow burn. no. it’s okay to just be a romance with a normal build. slow burns make me hate myself a little.