A long time ago, she knew exactly what the curve of his smile meant.

Time doesn’t heal all wounds.

a reylo one-shot // ao3 // thank you to @ashesforfoxes for giving it a first read ♥

You are a language I am no longer fluent in but still remember how to read.
-Ashe Vernon

A long time ago, she knew exactly what the curve of his smile meant. Crooked to the side – definitely amused despite himself; lips pulled thin and tight – happy but scared for what might come. He didn’t smile much then, but her favorite smile was the one he used to only give to her. An open, wide grin where she could see his imperfect teeth, often accompanied by a laugh that filled her soul and shooed away her demons.

It was the smile he had on right now, as he stared at her. Kaydel Connix. Long-term girlfriend and now fiancée of Kylo Ren, the man walking down the premiere of his latest movie: Equinox.

She didn’t know when she started crying, or when he had become so comfortable on Red Carpets; his arm wrapped around Kaydel’s waist and she saw how his fingers gripped her hips as if he had done it a million times.

And he had. For years.

He was no longer the man who saved his greatest smiles for her, and she reminded herself that she should be happy to see him so much more free. She had only ever weighed him down, and Rey had never been more certain of it than as she stood there that night, gripping and twisting her mic.

She had told Finn this was a bad idea. And she felt his concerned stare as he stood at her side holding the camera, thankfully silent.

“Kylo is wrapping up with the walk, he’ll be here in one minute,” his assistant spoke to her succinctly, without an undercurrent of wariness. She must be new then. Rey took a deep breath and schooled her features, staring down at her note cards until the words on them blurred and she saw him walk towards their small staging area out of the corner of her eye.

Steeling herself, she finally looked up. He wasn’t smiling anymore.

“Kylo! Thank you for gracing Legacy with your time tonight,” her voice was normal and cheery, but it threatened to falter the longer he stared with the flat line of his lips shifting in thought. His eyes flashed towards Finn, and Rey rushed to fill the silence.

“It’s unusual for a creator to write, direct, and star in a film – what made you take on such a massive project?”

“Catharsis,” he replied finally, in that deep tone that washed over her, causing her heart to sputter. “You know, it’s a story that has been evolving for years, I began writing it during a particularly dark period personally.”

Rey knew exactly what he was talking about, but still asked as she moved the mic back to her mouth, “That’s an interesting term to use, so you must feel as if this premiere is about more than just a movie?”

“Yes, it’s about stepping out of the darkness of the winter and into an eternal spring,” he gestured towards Kaydel who stood there beaming at him. “She is my Goddess of Spring that one. I owe her a great movie, and I hope I delivered.”

Kaydel blew him a sweet kiss and Rey watched as his mouth curved into that grin once again. When he turned back to her, his eyes narrowed at her own – the tears were back.

“Oh dear, sorry – cold breeze hit me,” she said this only for the sake of their viewers and her boss, who would absolutely be wanting the story of why her new Entertainment reporter starting crying as she interviewed the headliner of the biggest movie of Oscar season. “So what can our viewers expect to feel after watching Equinox?”

“Hopefully a sense of balance, maybe even hope. I certainly felt that way when I completed the story. However,” his eyes turned flinty as he directed his next words at her. “Some people won’t get anything out of it.”

Rey took a beat before laughing lightly, trying to play off the intense jab in front of millions of viewers. Kylo flashed a smile she didn’t recognize, that made her skin prickle with an uncertain emotion – fear, perhaps. He laughed along with her.

He was an actor, after all.

Rey turned to the camera and smiled brilliantly, “Well that’s all we have time for, hopefully those of you at home are one of the lucky ones who will find hope in your viewing of Equinox – at a theater near you this Thursday!”

“Thank you for having me,” Kylo said, leaning down around her shoulder into the mic, ignoring her for the camera. But as he pulled away, his hand grazed down the open spot at the back of her dress. She shivered and pulled away, watching as Finn gave her the thumbs up that they were off air and the mics were cut.

She took a deep breath and turned around to say something – anything – to Kylo, but he had disappeared and moved on to the next bright lights Red Carpet interview. As if they hadn’t just seen each other for the first time in five years.

Rey watched him as much as she could as they made their way down interview row, trying to figure out what he was feeling. But she couldn’t anymore, not really. He was just as much a mystery to her as he was to his fans.

A hand brushed against her shoulder and she looked over at Finn’s concerned face, “You okay? Need an extra minute before the next one?”

Rey leaned into him and his arm pulled her in tight as she let the softness of the gesture cocoon her. When she finally opened her eyes after a minute of solace, she caught Kylo staring at them, hands in his pockets in a show of nonchalance. But Rey realized –

She still knew Kylo Ren after all.

————————————————————————–

Rey sat alone in a corner couch on the rooftop of some swanky building that housed one of the many after parties for the premiere. She had rushed out of the theater after the movie, texting Finn she was going home – but she knew an appearance was expected of her by her boss at at least one of the parties.

She had chosen the smallest one – or what should have been the smallest one.

But somehow, she and Kylo were still on the same universe wavelength and he showed up barely fifteen minutes after she did.

Alone. Thankfully.

So here she sat, alone in a corner without even a drink for company. Leaning back, she slapped her arm across her face, feeling the cool breeze whip wisps of her hair around. Letting out a loud sigh, she prayed he was just making a simple round at each party and that he would leave soon.

The cushions beside her shifted and a smell of sandalwood surrounded the air. She didn’t have to hear them speak to know who it was that disturbed her anti-social respite.

“Still hiding away in corners I see,” his voice was calmer than during the interview, Rey assumed that was a side-effect of having time to process seeing her for the first time in five years.

“I didn’t want to come, you know.”

“Didn’t expect you would.” A few moments passed, “Did you like the movie?”

And there it was, the thousand dollar question that Rey had been avoiding answering since the credits rolled and she saw his name repeated over and over again.

“How am I supposed to answer that, Kylo?”

“I don’t know, aren’t you an entertainment reporter now? Surely you have some thoughts.”

The words were nonchalant, but his tone was aggressive and she moved her hand off her face to return his stare incredulously.

“Your ‘catharsis’,” she spat out, anger bubbling up to the surface over being put in this position. She wasn’t the one seeking him out. “Was beautiful. And horribly sad. I don’t see how anyone could feel hope from such a movie.”

It was a masterpiece, though, and she wanted to tell him that. But they had slipped so quickly into their old rhythm that she grasped on to the kite string that was so familiar to her – an argument.

“It was written with you in mind.”

“No kidding.”

“I wanted you to feel anguish from it.” His words slipped out with a bitterness she couldn’t fault him for, but they made her stand up abruptly and face him down. Finally at a height advantage for once.

“I don’t have to take this from you, I was doing everything I could to stay away from you tonight. Just leave me alone, Kylo.” Her last words wobbled with more emotion than she would have liked as she turned and walked quickly to the shrouded side door inside.

She felt a hand catch her wrist and tried to pull away; he let go immediately, “If you were trying to stay away, why did I get interviewed by you tonight?”

“It’s my job now, I couldn’t say no. I tried,” she added bitterly.

His laugh was cruel as he stepped toward her slowly, backing her into a corner, “Of course you did, because now you have to face up to what you did to me.”

With any other person, she would have felt scared by the way his presence folded in and around her in a darkly lit rooftop corner, but all Rey felt was the overwhelming need to press against him again. As they had so often, before she had ruined everything.

She watched as his chest moved with his heavy breathing, fists on either side of her head. She could feel them clench and jostle bits of hair that had escaped her updo. Rey kept her eyes steady on his neck, assuming it would be an innocuous part of him to distract from the building intensity.

She was so very wrong, because the veins in his neck strained with each flex of his knuckles, and she remembered so vividly what it looked like with love bites peppered around it.

Rey swallowed, finally responding, “I’m sorry, Kylo.” His head dropped down at her words, as if he were attempting to control some unknown emotion that once again she couldn’t understand anymore. “I’m so-”

His head raised just enough to capture her lips, cutting off whatever she was about to say. The touch of his lips short-circuited her brain and her heart took over. It remembered the patterns of Kylo Ren very well, it seemed, as her lips parted slightly as he pressed into her with his lower body.

All she could think about was how kissing him felt like coming home, and as she brought her quivering hands up slowly to touch his hair, Rey remembered what it was like to be loved by Kylo Ren.

His tongue brushed against hers and he grunted softly as her hands ran through his hair, fingernails grazing as they went. His fists loosened slightly against the wall, but it was his hips that told the story. They pressed between her legs and Rey could feel the growing excitement beneath his impeccably tailored pants.

She pulled out of his kiss and gasped his name, intending to stop this altogether, but his head simply dipped to her neck and his mouth continued its ministrations there.

“Kylo, please…” She wasn’t even sure what she was trying to say, but he growled in response and his hands finally – finally –  left the wall and one slid behind her back. The other pulled her dress and body up with it, aligning their hips perfectly as she moaned and wrapped her legs around him on instinct.

Now wasn’t the time for conversation, and rationally Rey knew that nothing about this would be okay on the other end of the evening. But as he sucked her neck and ground against her hot core, she couldn’t find herself to care.

His hands twisted her into his erection, hitting that sweet spot of her clit over and over until she was panting and wild eyed into his open mouth. He still knew all the ways to make her body sing and he hadn’t even touched her. She whimpered with need as her orgasm rose to the tip and he gripped her hair and pulled her head against his shoulder to muffle her cries.

“Shh, Rey, that’s a good girl,” his hips pinned her to the wall as she rode it out. Hands spread across her neck, almost petting it as the aftershocks slowly abated. Finally, he let her up, but not down.

Rey rested her head against the wall, panting as she stared at him in a haze, barely remembering where they even were or how long they had been there. But when his hands went for his belt and she heard the metal clack and slide across the fabric, she remembered.

“Kaydel! Kylo, what-”

His eyes cut her protestations off as he finished unbuckling his belt and slid his zipper down, pulling his hard cock free. Rey licked her lips on instinct, remembering how good it had felt inside her – everywhere. She wouldn’t have noticed the soft whine she let out if he hadn’t huffed in laughter, surprising her.

“Missed me, have you?”

Bitterness filled every word and Rey closed her eyes, hating herself just that bit more as she bucked her hips in response. This was a mistake in a situation neither one was looking for, and one she had desperately avoided. Being near him again was a poison pill she willingly took, her consciousness taking flight as she felt the tip of his cock poke at her lips.

She felt him line up with her, his head lowering to rest against her shoulder as he slid home, as if he had never left. Rey sobbed, grateful he was back or destroyed that she ever forced him away; Kylo’s body stiffened at the sound, his mouth turning towards her neck.

“You okay?” She cried a little more at that, that he even thought to ask – maybe he still cared. But the look on his face that night was etched into her memory like a tattoo, and she knew he would never forgive her.

“Yes,” she whispered brokenly; it was enough, and he slid out and back in with more force, getting used to her again. Her hands pulled at the hair on his neck as he buried his face into her shoulder, refusing to look at her. His hips rolled up and into hers with a rhythm that would have lulled her into a slow burn of desire if not for the way his hands gripped and dug into her ass.

Each thrust came with a cacophony of sounds – belt clinking, fabric shuffling against itself, soft pants from both of them. Neither of them said a word as he bottomed out repeatedly; Rey could feel the ridges of his cock rubbing against her every time he slowed down slightly. His nails dug into her skin with just enough pressure – he always knew exactly how much to give her and she let out a sob again, pulling his shoulders and upper body tighter against her.

As her breath quickened and legs trembled with the beginning of another orgasm, an unwelcome thought ran through her mind. She wondered if he ever fucked Kaydel like this, or if it was only reserved for the women he hated. Woman.

Maybe he was thinking of her right now, that’s why he seemed so determined, pressing his hips and grinding them against her, refusing to let her come down for air. A hand left her ass and she bucked her hips immediately as she felt his finger circle her clit unexpectedly.

“With me, Rey,” she couldn’t be sure whether it was the use of her name, or his touch, or the fact that he raised his head to look at her finally that did the trick. But she came moments after, staring into the soul of the man whose heart she had broken, whose eyes held none of their warmth. She swallowed all of her pleasure in the face of that cold stare. The veins in his neck and the slight increase in pressure were the only signs he gave that she was about to feel the spurt of his come inside of her.

He threw his head back and stared at the sky when he came, letting out a low grunt. Rey had always loved the feel of him coming inside of her, it was her favorite thing – he knew that, and purposefully refused to look at her when he did it. The pleasure was undeniable, but hollow.

They stayed like that for minutes, catching their breath in silence; he slipped his cock out and zipped it back up. Her hands moved on instinct, as she always had, to help him with his belt, but he stepped away sharply, leaving her hands hanging in the air. His come dribbled down her thighs and she found herself grateful for her choice of a long skirted dress.

He refused to look at her as he fixed his belt and glanced around for something.

He pulled a folded cloth napkin from some unused storage bin and bent down. “Lift it up,” he said quietly. It was all he said, but she did as told. He wiped the inside and back of her legs, before slipping his hand between them, wiping her lips clean – mostly – of their cum. When he was done he rolled it into a ball and tossed it into the trash.

“Thank you,” she couldn’t think of anything else to say. What were you supposed to say, anyway?

He simply nodded once and left, back to the party, out of her life and to his. Back to Kaydel. At least now she knew what it looked like to watch him walk away.